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Sellout
		Tuesday, 10:20pm
	That's me. I'm a sellout. I told myself I'd never stoop to useing Xanga... But everyone else is doing it. I love you all at Live Journal. This place is so much better than Xanga... But almost everyone is there, and it's just easier for me. I tried to double post... I did. I'll still check up on you... but for now... My online journal is at Xanga. I miss Live Journal already.
		(2 Dagger(s) in Me \| Say a Word)


		Friday, 8:07pm
	I feel like absolute shit. I'm completely pissed at a certain friend of mine who tends to do a lot of prevericating, and I'm starting to feel very, very sick (as opposed the the very sick I had felt previously). I finished my short story... and I got half my letter to the reviewer done. Thank God above for the week off of school... I really need it. For the record, I love you, Krystal Thorn. Always know that. Not that I don't love everyone else too, of course... I just thought after a conversation I overheard today, I should make sure she knows that. I love Cassie Fischer too. I wasn't lauging at you at all. I ate at Taco Bell with Ryan, Leanne, and Shy afterschool... It was fun... very nostalgic. I apparently told Ryan to "Leave me alone" in 6th grade, thus why we stopped 'seeing each other'. I don't think I've ever felt so bad about anything. I love you aswell, Ryan. I'm off to drown myself in popcorn and watch Cabaret and Fiddler on the Roof... Which makes me think that I need a name for the school Cabaret... it's looking like it will be "Cabaret Calloway" as of now... and that's a REALLY stupid name. See you at Strike Up the Bands (or if I post tomorrow...). Vos amo.
		(4 Dagger(s) in Me \| Say a Word)


		Sunday, 9:14pm
	So, Nightmare is over now... What shall I do with myself? It's so nice to have a Sunday, finally... All week has felt like Mondays/Fridays combined... Yea, it really sucked. I did eat at the House of Huddle with several friends on Saturday Night after the show, though, and it was great times indeed. Many thanks to Ryan for driving me around. It's finally concery band time, 100% (until Christmas Parade, that is), and I'm loving it. We're playing a really stupid song with Pirates of the Carrabean, though. One can't always be satisfied though, so I'll survive. My portfolio has to be done by Thanksgiving break... damn. That isn't going to happen. I've got to completely re-write my literary piece, since the one I have sucks majorly. Wonderful. I feel like I have senioritis... I refuse to act like it, though. Atleast with the play being over I'll have time to breathe. I hate it so much... I tell myself I give up, that I won't like him anymore, yet I find myself going slightly out of my way to pass by his house... I look around the crowded gynasium for him... I'm just stupid. -- Note to self: I must go to Rita's Neat Repeats to talk to her about the website, and I must get a CD of pictures from Mrs. Bonds.
		(Say a Word)


		Friday, 9:14pm
	I searched the crowded gymnasium for him... and when I found him I could barely look away. Why can't I just give up? "Nightmare Before Christmas" dress rehearsal was last night... except for some extreme techinical problems (Ryan and I had NO idea what was going on...), some musical timing problems, and missed cues, it went pretty well. The actors looked great... but I effing hate Halloween greasepaint. It does nothing but melt... ESPECIALLY on James Kyle. I got my first hug from Ryan Walls yesterday. I was stressing about the Slide Show and we were walking down the hall the opposite ways, and he proceeded to comfort me... And it was very comforting to say the least. My hair was super-pretty last night (if you know about my nervous habit of brushing my hair when nervous, you understand). Two days until I can start going full-force on my Cabaret. Whoot. I'm excited. I think I have the 10 shows picked out... and some of the songs for them too. I can't wait. I don't have my 4th portfolio piece for AP Engish IV... and I didn't study my Literary Terms (though I studied them last week). Yea, that'll be a really fun class for me today. That's all for now. Vos amo.
		(Say a Word)

Wednesday, 7:08am

mood:

depressed

music: Ladies Who Lunch - CAMP Soundtrack

So, I'm using Xanga too now... I do love Live Journal, truely... but I'm afraid I must conform to the Xanga world that most of my friends are a part of. :(. I shall post the same things there as here, though... though some might be a day later one way or another. You can't use HTML codes over there, though... as far as I've tried, anyway... that kinda ticks me off.

Monday
Okay, I give in.

I'm going to start posting journal entried in both Xanga AND LiveJournal... since everyone in the whole world seems to have one of these things.

Note my user image. It will change if I ever actaully get a decent image of myself.

Note my title and sub-title. The roughly translate to: "Let the buyer beware" and ""Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." I'm on a "Gone with the Wind" type-thing, I guess.

Yea, I'm a loser, but it's fun... So here's the real entry....

So Elise, Andrew, and I went to Louisville this weekend. It was great fun, I'd say. We got to Elise's aunt Barbara's house on Friday night, played Monopoly (I won... Andrew had never played it), ate a piece of cheesecake, and watched "A Christmas Story" (which Andrew had never seen). Then we slept (and I was calmed by the ever-soothing voice of Josh Groban on my CD player).

We went to U of L Saturday... I love it there so much. Then we viewed the art museum, Andrew and I went to the mall (Elise got sick :( ), we ate at the Macaroni Grill (I drew a shaded, yellow circle on the paper on the table. Yay), and then we went to Boarders bookstore. I proceeded to buy the soundtrack to the movie "Camp", the original London cast recording of "Fiddler on the Roof", and I made Andrew buy me a Latin-English dictionary for Christmas. We got home, ate 3 pieces of cheesecake, watched the rest of "A Christmas Story", all of "Homeward Bound", and talked about how stupid most of the people in my French I class are.

Sunday, all of us were sick. NEVER eat a fourth of a cheesecake in one sitting (or a third in two days...). We got home, went to the band thing (which proved to be more stupid than I had initially imagined), and then I went home and was out of it by 6:00 pm. Good times.

Tuesday, part 1
Man, our concert band sucks... It's so horribly sad... and I hate parade band.

The play's first 'show' is on Thursday, and I'm starting to feel nervous... I'm getting super excited about my Cabaret, though. Everyone must audition... Singing abilities prefered. It'll be great.

So I'm dowing some Pot Roast and Noodles before I rush off to rehearsal tonight... lets hope I don't get myself killed on the way there (a stupid retard pulled out in front of me at the 94/Jonny Robertson intersection... I was going STRAIGHT and she was going LEFT.).

Tuesday, part 2
It's times like this that I just hate myself. It my fault too. I waited until today to try out makeup on everyone (well, truely, I didn't want to take time from the rehearsal to do it), and now it seems all my work on the music is void. To top it off, I feel sick-sick-sick (my forhead is buring up too... maybe I never had the cheesecake sickness...).

Thanks go out to:

JoJo Suiter, who gave me a very long, comforting hug when I was stressing out. I just wish you were there after the rehearsal was over, JoJo. I could have used another one.

Dustin Dix, who, while sort of insulting me, tried to make me feel better.

Shy's mom, who always makes me feel better (Happy Birthday always)

Ashley Morris, who was concerned enough for me to ask me if I was okay, if I needed anything, and to say that she wants to see me in French class tomorrow (so that she knows I'm not depressed and dying or dead).

Thanks guys.

I'm applying for U of L tonight (college! yay!), registering for the December ACT (late fees! yay!), and filling out the FAFSA (free money! yay!). It seems to me that I have a lot to do in a little bit of time. Andrew got accepted to U of L... Now I just have to get accepted. I will be completely thrilled. We might get married so that living will be cheaper. Wouldn't that be somethin'?

Cheerful thing of the day: Rachel in French class (what's her real name?) told me I had awesome socks on today.

I guess that's it. Thanks to anyone who waists his/her time reading this. It's appreciated.

Vos amo.

(1 Dagger(s) in Me | Say a Word)

And I'll bravely tell you... but only when we dream again.

Monday, 9:26pm

mood:

nauseated

music: "Lida Rose" from The Music Man

No quote for this post, sadly...

I left the band party an hour early. What an effing waste of 3 hours of my life that I could be reading Deception Point or webdesigning. There was also that fact that I thought of little but 'him' for much of the night. I truely hate myself sometimes... sometimes being now.

School was okay. Boring. Mrs. Devoss ranted to Mrs. Richter about the awesome technology the school has that coincidentally keeps crashing down and burning. Andrew wasn't at school today, and it felt kinda lonely. I told Ryan Walls that I'd compromise my political views if it meant we could get married (for the love and all)... I'm pretty sure we're getting married now. We'll both be 18 by the end of January. I'm pretty sure that'll work out splendedly.

I feel sick and like crap. I ate aboput 17 pounds of cookies/rice crispy treats at the party. I have a huge test Wednesday... Thank God I have tomorrow off to rest... and hopefully I can keep 'him' off my mind, eh?

(4 Dagger(s) in Me | Say a Word)

Give yourself over to abso-friggin'-lute pleasure

Sunday, 9:05am

mood:

lonely

music: Super Heroes from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Quote of the Post
"What is the verb in that sentance?"
"...Cassettes?"
"...That's a noun."
--Mrs. Richter and Marie, French Class... they never cease to amaze me...

My Make-up Class was fun. Good times. About 9 or so girls showed up, and we had a good time.

Rocky Horror was awesome. Ryan showed up, which really suprised me. Brien was hott stuff. Horrah.

Ten Little Indians was also awesome. I was suprised by the ending. The girl playing Naracott didn't show up, so Quertermous filled in... and he was good, though I expected no less. Such a fine group of actors... I *heart* Donald.

Emmer's party was great too. Ryan was a punk rocker and he looked super-cool. Stacey was a calculator, but lost the costume contest at Video Gold. Dommage, eh? I started to feel rather lonely, though, after a while... so that kinda sucked.

...
....
Damnit. I told myself that I give up. Did I? No. I can't give up... and it's killing me. I feel so alone so often... So increadably helpless. I hate this feeling so much.

I love him... I love him... I love him... but only on my own...

Stolen from Stacey's Journal, once again
--HAVE YOU EVER...--
been drunk- nope
vomited because of it- nope
kissed a member of the opposite sex- yes
kissed a member of the same sex- nope
crashed a friend's car- nope
been to Japan- nope
ridden in a taxi- nope
been in love- yes
been dumped- yes
gone streaking- no
shoplifted- on accident, really. I went back and paid once I realized it.
been fired- no
been in a fist fight- no
snuck out of my parent's house- no
watched a porno- nope
made out Spiderman style- nope
ever had a crush on someone of the same sex- maybe... ;)
ever dated someone of the same sex- no
had feelings for someone who didnt have them back- you bet
been involved in an affair-no
been arrested-no
gotten a stranger's number-no
made out with a stranger-nope
stole something from my job-nope
celebrated new years in time square-no
gone on a blind date- no
lied to a friend- yes
had a crush on a teacher- not that I can think of
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans- no
been to Europe- no.. I effing want to, though
skipped school- no
slept with a co-worker- no
cut myself on purpose- no
accidentally or purposefully shot someone with a BB gun-um... no
been married- no
gotten divorced- no
had children- no
seen someone die- no
broken a bone- yes
recieved stitches- no
been to Africa- no
Punched a friend- probobly
Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball- no
Been to Canada- no
Been to Mexico- no
Been on a plane- yes
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show- Hell yes I have.
Thrown up in a bar- no
Purposely set a part of myself on fire- no
Eaten Sushi- fish=gross
Been snowboarding -no
Been moshing at a concert- no
taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself- can't say I have
been pregnant or got someone pregnant- I got Chris pregnant once... or not.
lost a child- no
gone to college- I sat in on a French 101 class once
graduated college- no
tried killing yourself- I had thought about it before
taken painkillers- precribed ones
love someone or miss someone right now- yes

UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? biting nails and cracking knuckles
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? kinda
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? only the left one
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? I'm a master
6. Can you cross your eyes? yup
7. Tattoos? no
8. Piercings? ears
9. Do you make your bed daily? not daily...

-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? depends
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? recently
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? redently, it's been about 20... now it's 12.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? watch, pony bead bracelt, earings and turtle bracelet.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my CATS shrits

-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? nope
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry and mint chocolate
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? I'mma say 4
19. What's your favourite beverage? tomato juice
20. What's your favorite restaurant? fast food- Taco Bell sit-down- Applebees or Hong Kong
21. Do you cook? nope

-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day
23. Hair drying method? blow dryer
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yup. Recently

-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? sometimes
26. Do you ever spit? rarely

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? cats and turtles
28. Food? Jell-o
29. Month? December
30. Day? Saturday
31. Cartoon? Dilbert
32. Shoe Brand? couldn't say
33. Subject in school? Latin (French and AP English are tied for 2nd)
34. Color? red, green, yellow, orange, and black
35. Sport? lacrosse
36. TV show? South Park
37. Thing to do in the spring? freak out about the end of the school year
38. Thing to do in the summer? rest
39. Thing to do in the fall? marching band time
40. Thing to do in the winter? listen to Christmas music and be very happy

ROUND --
41. The CD player? Inside- Rent Car- Miss Saigon
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? James Kyle, probobly
43. Ever taken a cab? - No
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? sometimes
45. What color is your bedroom? pink
46. Do you use an alarm clock? yes
47. Window seat or aisle? window

-- LA LA LAND -
48. What's your sleeping position? on my stomach, kinda stretched out.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? atleast a sheet
50. Do you snore? not that I'm aware of
51. Do you sleepwalk? nope
52. Do you talk in your sleep? no
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes I sleep with a white cat I named Obidiah.
54. Do you sleep with the light on? no
55. Do you sleep with the radio or TV on? TV
56. Last interesting person you met? Ralli, while seeing CATS in Louisville

-- WTF --
57. Weirdest place you've ever puked. couldn't say
58. Craziest place you've ever gotten freaky? umm.. nowhere?
59. Grossest thing you've ever seen. couldn't say
60. Most disgusting thing you've ever eaten. A Dill Pickle Potato Chip
61. What's that smell? blood (my nose has been bleeding all morning)

(Say a Word)

Tuesday, 6:41pm

mood:

blank

music: Le musique d'Amélie

Quote of the Post
"What was you eating?"
--Some lady at Applebees...

Stacey is gonna be a calculator for Halloween... I wish I was as cool as she.

Happy Birthday Andrew. I love you bunches and bunches.

Rocky Horror is Friday. So is my makeup class I'm teaching. Good times. Emmers' party is Saturday. I'm so dressing Ryan Walls as a Punk Rawker.

I stole this from Stacey's Xanga and filled it out myself.

Last Cuss Word Uttered: I'm gonna say hell... unless douche is concidered a cuss word (Ryan says it's an explative...)
Last Compliment: *shrug*
Last Big Car Ride: Louisville to see CATS on the 10th of Oct
Last Kiss: probobly Andrew... no idea, but that's just my best guess.
Last Good Cry: Senior Night... OMG...
Last Movie Seen: I'm watching Amélie right now.
Last Phone Call: Kristin
Last Thing Written: I had to re-write my effing Transactive peace because my disk wents stupid.
Last Show Watched: Hay Arnold! ...Yay.
Last Time Showered: This mornin'
Last Shoes Worn: my black converses
Last CD Played: Miss Saigon Highlights
Last Item Bought: 3 feet of holly-green material that will become my toga on Saturday.
Last Disappointment: not sightreading concert music today.
Last Annoyance: Kaitlyn... being herself.
Last Piercing/Tattoo: I have a henna tatoo from the state trip...
I AM: typing
I WANT: the upstairs to not be so freakin' hott
I HAVE: a very cool hat.
I WISH: that "Opperation Condor" could be a success... or atleast do something.
I MISS: Playhouse in the Park.
I FEAR: leaving High School.
I HEAR: français (I'm watching Amélie and all)...
I SEARCH FOR: ...meh.
I WONDER: why I'm not typing the rest of my Literary piece.
I REGRET: a lot.
I LOVE: Latin... a lot.
I ACHE: in the depths of my heart and soul (not really... it just sounded kinda cool)
I ALWAYS: check behind shower curtains when I enter bathrooms (that one is true...)
I AM NOT: good at anything
I DANCE: poorly
I SING: because it's kinad fun and stuff
I CRY: a lot
I AM NOT ALWAYS: smart
I WRITE: only when I feel like it or I must
I WIN: at Wario Ware when Stacey isn't playing against me... :P
I LOSE: chapstick like crazy
I CONFUSE: myself fairly often
I SHOULD: open some windows or something... it's really hot.

WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF
Ryan: Wass
Rob: bie Hopkins
Drew: Farmer, the Pink Phantom
Aaron: Carter (whoot!)
Amy: my sister
Paul: Coe
Eve: lyn, the most annoying kid ever
John: Quertermous
Alex: Farris
Justin: Blodgett
Ricky: Lake

x. three things you are often complimented for: my mad latin skills, my graphic skills, my HTML master-skills
x. you get embarrassed when: ...well, there are lots of times
x. what upsets you: when people feel they are above me when I'm an authority figure (aka, director of music)
x. you keep a diary: yes. It's right here.
x. you like to cook: nope
x. you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: I don't *think* so, but I might
x. you set your watch a few minutes ahead: Never! I'm on Krug time.
x. you bite your fingernails: always
x. you believe in love: you bet
take a shower everyday: nope
have a(any) crush(es): yea
think you've been in love: yes
want to get married: possibly
have any tattoos/where?: nope
piercings/where?: ears
get motion sickness: vertical motions get me sick
think you're a health freak: Oh, I wish
get along with your parents: yes.I suppose

SCREEN NAME: depends on where I am...
SIGN: Capricorn
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: medium brown
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: dark auburn

( FAVORITES )
NUMBER: 7 COLOR: Red, Green, Black, Yellow, Orange
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: December
SONG: hard choice...
FOOD: Jell-o
SEASON: Winter
BAND: Savage Garden
PERSON: Andrew
DRINK: Tomato Juice
SUBJECT: Latin (French is awesome too... so is AP English)
BOOK: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
SHOW: South Park

( PREFERENCES )
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT?: cuddles are good times
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE?: chocolate milk
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?: milk
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE?: chocolate

( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )
CRIED?: nope
HELPED SOMEONE: yeah
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: no
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: yup
SAID "I LOVE YOU"?: yup
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: no
TALKED TO AN EX?: yup
MISSED AN EX?: well... missed Andrew as I always miss him
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: nope
MISSED SOMEONE?: yes
HUGGED SOMEONE?: yes
KISSED SOMEONE?: yes... André
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: no

First crush: Cody White, Preschool. We were quite the item
First real kiss: Andrew
First boyfriend/girlfriend you cried over: Andrew
First person you had sex with: n/a
First fight: no idea
First best friend: Rakeshia Burks
First concert: Spice Girls
First time you did drugs: n/a
First time you drank: n/a
First time you were grounded: can't remember
First time you got really hurt: can't remember

(Say a Word)

Very well then, we'll do the abridged version.

Thursday, 8:40pm

mood:

melancholy

music: Much More from "The Fantasticks"

Quote of the Post
"If the cats would just sit down..."
"Woy dun't taike ordah's frum noahone!"
--Ryan and Me, 13th of October, Drama Club Meeting
James Kyle and I dressed up as Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from CATS(aka, makeup, hair styles, new CATS shirts, tan pants, 'tails', an armwarmer each, a leopard glove, and white socks) for the Drama Meeting to promote my Makeup masterclass (that apparently I'm having) and it'll be coolness. We just acted like retards the whole time and talked in Cockeny accents. Whoot. Pictures to be posted. Everyone says Bonds took some good ones.

So the above summarizes Wednesday the 13th. Happy Birthday to Mrs. Richter.

Band Camp week wasn't so bad. Regionals was good.

CATS was awesome. I love 5 characters much more than I ever loved them before because of this show. It was cool. I got to meet my online friend Ralli and she was super-cool. It was just generally good times. I bought the movie Amélie at the Borders on 4th Street in Louisville, and I love it. Yay for French.

"Without you, today's emotions would be the scruff of yesterday's."

So I'm getting kinda mad at some actors in the play. They're just generally rude to me. Oh well, I'm sure I'll live. Ryan supports me. Oh, how I love him. He keeps me sane at times, while at others he drives me rather the opposite.

So I had a dream last night. I had told myself that I'd get over my infatuation, but in my dream...
We were at Wal-Mart watching movies or something, all comfortable and stuff... just me and a bunch of friends. So I'm by 'him', and we get up, and go to the hunting/camping section and I'm all "Hey, *name here*, I have something to tell you... but, please, promise you won't be mad at me." And he was all "I promise I won't be... Why would I be mad at you?" and I was all "I like you... a lot. A lot a lot..." He looked away... "I'm sorry... I just..." *long pause* "Please don't be mad..." And he just looked at me and whispered (in a voice that makes me tend to melt), "Why would I be mad about that?"
And I woke up. Life sucks.

I decided to dress hott today... which means like Scott Cook. Button-up shirt under a black shirt (light pink under my old CATS shirt). Yea, it was hott. Andrew told me so.

(Say a Word)

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